i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
