Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
