Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
