Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
