Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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