so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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