I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
