Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
