I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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