I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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