Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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