Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
