Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
