omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
