He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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