You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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