I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
