I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
