Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
