If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
