He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
