Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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