Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
