I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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