We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i think my cat just said my name.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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