i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
