just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
