Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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