Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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