im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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