My nipple is on Facebook.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
