wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
