I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
