He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize