mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
