I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
