you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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