Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
