i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
