am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
