i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize