I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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