Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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