I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
