no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
