I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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