You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
