I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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