My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
