I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
