none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
