I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
