worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
