I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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