singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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