Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
