Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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