she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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