I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
