girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
