she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
