there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
