I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
