I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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