The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
