As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
